Universal Fallacy

    Some of my recent posts have been on a dark note, I thought I should give some background as to why.

    I am not in a rush to die, but I do not, and never have, wanted to live in a universe like ours. Our universe is fatally flawed in terms of fairness or morality, in that neither concept has a place, even in human society both are often ignored. I want no part of it, I hate it, and I want somewhere else to go.

    So, I play video games. I read books. I create art. I write stories. I escape.

    Because there is nothing here for me, I do not belong here, I was never given the choice.

    And the truth is, I only began to actively seek the miniscule amounts of contentment that I could in our horrible, broken universe when I realized that I couldn't kill myself and reach an afterlife, a rebirth, or some other state of being with absolute certainty those things exist. To me, that was the only way out, and that was 6 years ago.

    Now, I believe there is none.

    Animals used to be my example for peace. I thought hey lived together in forests in harmony, free from human flaws like greed and malice, but nature is cruel and horrible, perhapse worse than humanity in some ways. No even the animals live in true idealism, what hope do humans have of it?

    And why is our universe so horrible to me? There is no such thing as fairness. In nature, I would be killed by my own mother for being weak. There is no justice. In nature, many things kill not just out of need, but out of spite and hate. Bullying is common in nature, aggressors go unpunished. There is no objective good. What is right and wrong is fickle and gauged by the majority of humanity, and changes depending on who's in power. Often those concepts are created or built on for corrupt ends.

    We are taught from birth not to take people at face value - to expect dishonesty. We are taught that our opinions should be kept to ourselves in many social situations - to lie. We see people gain success and power through underhanded means - cheating. Some of us learn there are no consequences  for bullying others - violence. Most of us look away when others are being oppressed - cowardice. We are taught virtues, and slowly, subtly, insidiously discouraged from them by society - hypocrisy. We are truly a species worthy of scorn and hatred. Whatever greater agency may pass by our planet should not look on us as anything but despicable savage animals, like rabies-infested dogs caught in the light of an incoming bus we are easily frightened into paralysis, never moving to act on our behalf or the behalf of others. But the universe is like this, not just us. Therefore, no greater enlightment is expected of us. Nothing is expected of us at all. We are meaningless. Everything is.

    Everything is without purpose.

    There is no way to know if we are good people. I need this information, I cannot live without it.

    I have built my entire life around the concept of justice and fairness. Without these concepts as objectives, I am nothing, I am worthless and have no reason to exist. I lose the will to exist. My purpose loses its meaning. I become nothing.

    I do not want to be here. I want to go somewhere else.