7 Reasons why Oldfags Ruin Gaming For Everyone Else.

    The title, I  feel, is appropriately insulting, and properly advertises the attitude at which I will be attacking this specific group of obnoxious idiots. If you happen to cream yourself over Megaman 10, still have a working NES you play every day, and think every title in the series after Sonic 3 did everything wrong, turn back now, lest I diminish your faith in the Obnoxious Oldfag Gods.

    Quite frankly, this was sparked by an appalling article I found here:
http://www.cracked.com/article_16196_the-7-commandments-all-video-games-should-obey.html?wa_user1=4&wa_user2=Video+Games&wa_user3=article&wa_user4=recommended

At which someone of which I presume to be an accomplished oldfag bitches and moans about the advances in technology and how they dare to improve our gaming experiences. Shame on them, with their online multiplayer and their ability to hold more content in a disc!

    Why, they'd even presume to improve graphics beyond the pitiful excuse we had for such in the NES era, which basically looked like all the sprites were designed by the LEGO company. And that brings me to my 7th complaint:

1: Oldfags Hate Graphics!

    If you brought your older brother or your grandmother into your room to show them how awesome Fable 3 looks, they'd probably have a heart attack and regale you with tales about how "in their day", they did without all these fancy things like shaders and polygons and got along just fine.

Here's the major flaw in any argument that goes like this: "In my day, we didn't have x / only had y and got along just fine!" That flaw being that nobody, not even these oldfags wants to go back to that. I have the perfect example. My Grammy (who I love despite picking on her here) complains constantly about how teenagers rely too much on cell phones and how it was better when you didn't have instant contact and how Facebook makes it too easy and wah wah wah. So whenever she starts on one of these grating tangents that are the hallmark of old people that just don't like unfamiliarity, I say this. "Well, people in the 50s did just fine without color TV, would you like to go back to black and white TV?" Even if she doesn't agree with me, I know damn well my Grandpappy will. :V

My grandmother also enjoyed the Atari. Yes, my grandmother, and when I tried getting her to play more advanced games, she liked to bitch about how they were too complicated, which brings me to my next point.

2: Oldfags hate complexity!

    In a nutshell, this means that if you aren't doing the same thing throughout the duration of a game, their tiny oldfag intention spans can't handle it. Variety? In MY video games! Thou have sinned brutally, gaming industry! I guess they've never heard the term "Variety is the spice of life."

Do I even need to offer up a counter argument to this? Not everyone plays video games just to have some kind of challenge, some people play them because of the atmosphere they can be immersed in, which is better served when things like story, open-world, and a variety of things to do come into play. Which brings me to the next subject on the list...

3: Oldfags hate immersion!

    Oh sure, why would anyone in their right mind want to be immersed in an enthralling experience? Why, that's just a waste of time they could be spending mindlessly collecting dots and eating ghosts!

    Video games offer a challenge, sure, but they also offer a way to make our shitty lives less shitty, and if you don't think your life is shitty enough to justify a distraction, you're either not human, or an oldfag, which basically means the same thing in my book.

Oldfags think story and immersive worlds are a waste of time they can be spending mashing buttons, Even a game like Minecraft that has no cut-scenes in it whatsoever is too complicated for the textbook oldfag. They'll often say that they want the game to give them an objective and sandbox games aren't games because all you do is build.

    I believe this can be attributed with the fact that your classic oldfag has no creativity, whether lack of creativity is associated with the aging process or an over-exposure to Pac-Man and Asteroids is still unknown to experts. Which goes into the next point...

4: Oldfags hate sandbox games!

    Sandbox games are, in fact, the best thing to happen to the gaming industry in the past decade. Not only is their primary purpose to stimulate creativity, but the immersion factor is made double by the ability to make up whatever you want about the game. Minecraft developer Notch encourages individuality, innovation, and creativity, traits which make him a pioneering genius in an industry that seems fond of going backwards with how many "retro" tributes there seem to be. (Looking at you Sonic Generations.)

The point here is, anything that stimulates and encourages creativity can never be a bad thing, it's probably the best thing for our youth when it comes to gaming. Not to mention I can't think of any legitimate reason anyone wouldn't want such to be the focus of their game.

Unless they're an oldfag, at which case they apparently thrive on realism and are so grounded as to be made boring and insufferable. How dare anyone expect them to actually branch out and be expressive! They should be allowed to be a drone of society for the rest of their robotic lives.Any sign of imagination seems to scare oldfags, the unfamiliarity of it making them feel insecure and ungrounded. It is their mind to shut out all forms of imagination and creativity in favor of not having to change or be the remotest bit understanding in new ways, which is the next point on the list...

5: Oldfags hate innovation!

    How dare these new kids expect me to be appreciative of modern concepts! Why, in my day...

    Any advance in modern technology is toxic to the textbook oldfag, usually linked to their dislike of creativity, any type of modern innovation is seen as further downfall of humankind through oldfag eyes.

I don't need to explain why this is bad for gaming. I view all the retro remakes as poison, while there is nothing wrong with taking inspiration from older titles, there's a lot wrong with dwelling on them, and worse, forcing everyone else to.

Which brings us next to our next point.

6: Oldfags hate online multiplayer!

    If you don't see the resemblance in numbers 5 and 6, online is possible one of the biggest innovations of the past 2 decades.

But oldfags can't stand the idea that they have to play an online game with people who "hide behind fake masks and names", who you apparently can't have any fun with because they aren't in the same room, let alone the same state or country, as you, who apparently "aren't real friends", because you met them on a forum, or on Facebook, or an online game.

Basically, the classic oldfag mentality is that you aren't a true friends with someone if you can't see their face.

Which is bullshit, my best friend lives in Texas, which is half a country away from me. We've known each other for 3 years, we play all kinds of games together, don't tell me we aren't true friends.

Just to clarify, I am not against local multiplayer, I'm against local multiplayer when it overrides online multiplayer. Why can't games have both? Because it makes some NES humpers uncomfortable to play with people that prefer online play?

Which leads us to the last point.

7: Oldfags hate newer players!

...and just about everyone else that enjoys all of the above.

The feeling between oldfags and newer players, I feel, has significantly separated the gaming community and I'm not saying newfags don't do their share of killing video games as much as oldfags but it gets really hard to sympathize with people that have inspired the market to become saturated in retro remakes and "simple" games, to the point where finding a good adventure game has become challenging because apparently oldfags can't stand putting the time into them.

And let's face it, if the gaming industry can find a scapegoat for putting any real time and effort into an epic solid title by making Pop Cap sized games to target the one market that will actually play them instead of the one that, you know, expects anything from them, so I feel the demand for simple games does ruin the market purely for the fact that there is a large enough number of oldfags to influence it.

Don't worry, it isn't just the people that remember gaming in the 80s that I'm going to pick at, the next article will be directed at those sobs that won't even keep a game that's a year old. Also ironically related to Gamestop's exchanging used games for cash policy.